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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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Charon wrote:
First creative was maimed in a nail salon and now she's being stalked. Oh the humanity !!!



That wasn't CC who was maimed, she only replied to that post!

Posted on: 2010/2/18 3:34
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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First creative was maimed in a nail salon and now she's being stalked. Oh the humanity !!!

Posted on: 2010/2/18 2:47
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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1djcview wrote:
Even that day, if he wasn't "doing anything," they wouldn't have come.

"I think this guy followed me into a bar."


Naw, a restaurant on Newark Ave? Cops would have been there in 3 minutes tops. Perhaps another sexual predator off the streets? We may never know now.

Posted on: 2010/2/18 2:29
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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teacherinjc wrote:
The original poster gave a very good description of the man who followed her on here. What I don't get is WTF she didn't and hasn't called and given the cops that same description. This is stupid. Perhaps at the moment she didn't realize what she should have done a the moment, but now days later and after being told she should have called the cops and still hasn't. Well that makes her a DUMBA&& in my book. I am a woman by the way. Perhaps this guy has done this before...the cops should be informed.

Women blame (especially female) victims of sexual intimidation, violence, assault and rape at rates equal to or greater than men. It's off.

Posted on: 2010/2/18 2:29
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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Even that day, if he wasn't "doing anything," they wouldn't have come.

"I think this guy followed me into a bar."

Posted on: 2010/2/18 2:15
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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teacherinjc wrote:
If the police had shown up a the bar the dude would have known she wasn't some pushover. Maybe it would have scared him, maybe the cops would have asked for his ID and found out he had a warrant for his arrest. Snowflake20, your questions only belittle the posters experience. You think you are defending her, but you aren't. Snowflake20 wrote, "Did he threaten her? Did he even talk to her or make eye contact? What did he really do?"

Yes he threatened her....she felt threatened didn't she? I would have felt threatened if I had been in her situation. We pay taxes to have the cops there when we need them.



No. You said "days later" she hasn't gone to the police. If she did it right then and there, that would be a completely different issue. At this point, since it is "days later" what is she going to report? That a guy followed her to a bar and sat next to her? Do you really think they are going to take her seriously?

Posted on: 2010/2/18 2:04
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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If the police had shown up a the bar the dude would have known she wasn't some pushover. Maybe it would have scared him, maybe the cops would have asked for his ID and found out he had a warrant for his arrest. Snowflake20, your questions only belittle the posters experience. You think you are defending her, but you aren't. Snowflake20 wrote, "Did he threaten her? Did he even talk to her or make eye contact? What did he really do?"

Yes he threatened her....she felt threatened didn't she? I would have felt threatened if I had been in her situation. We pay taxes to have the cops there when we need them.

Posted on: 2010/2/18 1:28
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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teacherinjc wrote:
The original poster gave a very good description of the man who followed her on here. What I don't get is WTF she didn't and hasn't called and given the cops that same description. This is stupid. Perhaps at the moment she didn't realize what she should have done a the moment, but now days later and after being told she should have called the cops and still hasn't. Well that makes her a DUMBA&& in my book. I am a woman by the way. Perhaps this guy has done this before...the cops should be informed.


WTF is she going to call the police for? That maybe this guy followed her and sat down at a bar? Did he threaten her? Did he even talk to her or make eye contact? What did he really do?

Look, I think CC did the right thing by going into a public place. It's good to trust your instincts, but in the end, the guy didn't say or do anything to really threaten her. What will the police do? Press charges for maybe following this girl into a public place?

Posted on: 2010/2/18 1:19
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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The part I don't understand is the whole waiting at the restaurant for an hour just to make sure he wasn't still out there. If my wife called and told me some guy is following her, I could have been out there hunting him down. Not sitting inside a restaurant hoping for him to leave.

Posted on: 2010/2/18 1:16
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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He's clueless. Forget it.

Posted on: 2010/2/18 1:14
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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The original poster gave a very good description of the man who followed her on here. What I don't get is WTF she didn't and hasn't called and given the cops that same description. This is stupid. Perhaps at the moment she didn't realize what she should have done a the moment, but now days later and after being told she should have called the cops and still hasn't. Well that makes her a DUMBA&& in my book. I am a woman by the way. Perhaps this guy has done this before...the cops should be informed.

Posted on: 2010/2/18 1:12
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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AmyJCNJ wrote:
You guys all really need to back off.
It is difficult to think rationally in these situations and often when we females feel threatened there is a shame associated with it. When I was 18 I was groped on the subway by a 30 something married man. We were all packed in like sardines on the 6 and this guy starts rubbing my crotch with the back of his hand. It was the most horrible shocking thing. I didn't know what to do and I froze. It made me really angry that I didn't react and report it but I was really not myself. When something like this happens to you, you almost disconnect from reality and feel shame as if you brought it on yourself. That incident and others like it have made me the hardened bitch I am now. I took Tae Kwon Do classes and have learned to speak my mind mind publicly. I've gone over the incident in my mind a thousand times and in my "do-over" version I grab the guy's hand bending his fingers backwards breaking them. Honestly I think my anger makes me overreact which is a risk too because you never know if someone has a knife or a gun...
A little more understanding is in order here. If this on-line community wishes to thrive it is really important to foster a positive environment where people can express themselves without judgement.


Shame, regret and shoulda-woulda is not specific to women only. Sorry, "no crying in baseball".

Posted on: 2010/2/18 0:47
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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You guys all really need to back off.
It is difficult to think rationally in these situations and often when we females feel threatened there is a shame associated with it. When I was 18 I was groped on the subway by a 30 something married man. We were all packed in like sardines on the 6 and this guy starts rubbing my crotch with the back of his hand. It was the most horrible shocking thing. I didn't know what to do and I froze. It made me really angry that I didn't react and report it but I was really not myself. When something like this happens to you, you almost disconnect from reality and feel shame as if you brought it on yourself. That incident and others like it have made me the hardened bitch I am now. I took Tae Kwon Do classes and have learned to speak my mind mind publicly. I've gone over the incident in my mind a thousand times and in my "do-over" version I grab the guy's hand bending his fingers backwards breaking them. Honestly I think my anger makes me overreact which is a risk too because you never know if someone has a knife or a gun...
A little more understanding is in order here. If this on-line community wishes to thrive it is really important to foster a positive environment where people can express themselves without judgement.

Posted on: 2010/2/17 23:58
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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1djcview wrote:
This is part of moving the needle forward. If you can't see that, then you, sir, are the bullshit.


You're far too late for the party. There's no crying in baseball.

Posted on: 2010/2/17 20:50
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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This is part of moving the needle forward. If you can't see that, then you, sir, are the bullshit.

Posted on: 2010/2/17 20:40
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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The OP was told what she did wrong, how she should have acted or reacted, and called "stupid" twice. Once it was YELLED at her.

It's possible to make constructive suggestions for future situations, but if you can't be sensitive, back off.

And btw, blaming the (female) victim of sexual assault or violation wasn't born in the United States. It is not some liberal construct. It is an ancient method for keeping women connected to one man. All over the world, today, women who are raped are punished for their "crime", sometimes with public execution.

If women feel vulnerable in society, it is what is left of being blamed and held responsible for their own violation. Help end it.

Anybody interested, join our FB group, Yes, I am a feminist. :)


I call bullshit. She's afraid to call the police but not afraid to put her story on a public blog? Wanna make a difference? Stop deflecting and using the same old excuses and start moving the needle forward.

Posted on: 2010/2/17 20:29
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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The OP was told what she did wrong, how she should have acted or reacted, and called "stupid" twice. Once it was YELLED at her.

It's possible to make constructive suggestions for future situations, but if you can't be sensitive, back off.

And btw, blaming the (female) victim of sexual assault or violation wasn't born in the United States. It is not some liberal construct. It is an ancient method for keeping women connected to one man. All over the world, today, women who are raped are punished for their "crime", sometimes with public execution.

If women feel vulnerable in society, it is what is left of being blamed and held responsible for their own violation. Help end it.

Anybody interested, join our FB group, Yes, I am a feminist. :)

Posted on: 2010/2/17 20:21
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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No one is "blaming the victim". That is an old, cheap ploy by certain people in this country and the reason many political and social movements in this country lose their legitimacy. If this were a man I would be just as outraged that they did not call the police. No one is blaming CC for being followed but she was irresponsible for not calling the cops. This isn't about anything other than being a good citizen. If you want to make it about women and "sisters sticking together" then ultimately she only went about halfway in her responsibilities. I only hope that this guy isn't still out there looking for a new target.

Posted on: 2010/2/17 19:37
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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Hey Creative I am glad you are safe and thank you for the warning.

It is sad that there were so many negative responses.

I was once followed in NYC, in the evening, lots of people, but when I turned down a less crowded block, I noticed him and realized he had been walking the same blocks as I, turning here and there, and so as I paid attention, he would cross the same streets and then I stopped and waited to cross a street, went half way, turned around and went back. He did the same, so I ducked into a crowded store and told the salesperson I was being followed. He saw me through the window and I pointed at him. He was then gone. I did not see any cops along the way after I noticed him.

This happened a very long time ago but I still remember the creepy feeling of that evening. I wish things like this wouldn't happen, but they do and the more we speak up & share our experiences with each other, the safer we can all be.

Posted on: 2010/2/17 17:05
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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OK, let's stop the blame game here. There are steps we can take to improve our odds, the focus should be on the perpetrator.

Rape, the sinister blame game - Feministe

Posted on: 2010/2/17 16:36
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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A similar thing happened to my wife like 15 years ago in the same area. She was coming back from Hudson Camera, like 5:30 pm. She called me quickly from a pay phone and told me a man was following her, within minutes, I was there and giving chase!

He ran because he saw me coming and knew he was guilty and what his intentions were towards my lady.

There was only one problem............

I didn't realize that he had some ancestors who were deer.

Even though I was in great shape, this guy flew either because he smelled the ass whipping coming or he REALLY did have some deer in his immediate family.

Posted on: 2010/2/17 16:13
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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dcj wrote:
i agree. ignore the morons. there are nutters everywhere, and the jerks of jclist are just that--assholes who can't resist being snide and snarky in the comfort of their homes.
don't let these ivory-tower idiots discourage you from posting noteworthy things like this.


And the guy who was following this woman all over downtown wasn't a "nutter"?

Posted on: 2010/2/17 16:05
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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~it's not stalking, it's caring enough to find out things she won't tell you herself

Posted on: 2010/2/17 15:59
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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alek8 wrote:
I appreciate CC's initial post. We should all be encouraging our neighbors to be more aware of their surroundings, not less so. If she posted about how she was walking home listening to her ipod when someone snatched her purse, you would be all over her. Instead she may have avoided a serious situation by being vigilant, so instead some accuse her of being dramatic.

Considering the incredulous responses posted here, I'm not shocked that anyone would hesitate getting our fine police department involved in this situation. Who wants to be the butt of the joke after feeling they were in danger?

Creative, don't take anything these morons say to heart.


That is a lame excuse. The cops can be morons but your life is more valuable than your ego. In the end the cops work for us and you can't complain about taxes if you don't INSIST on the services those taxes pay for.

Posted on: 2010/2/17 15:59
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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i agree. ignore the morons. there are nutters everywhere, and the jerks of jclist are just that--assholes who can't resist being snide and snarky in the comfort of their homes.
don't let these ivory-tower idiots discourage you from posting noteworthy things like this.

Posted on: 2010/2/17 15:54
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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I appreciate CC's initial post. We should all be encouraging our neighbors to be more aware of their surroundings, not less so. If she posted about how she was walking home listening to her ipod when someone snatched her purse, you would be all over her. Instead she may have avoided a serious situation by being vigilant, so instead some accuse her of being dramatic.

Considering the incredulous responses posted here, I'm not shocked that anyone would hesitate getting our fine police department involved in this situation. Who wants to be the butt of the joke after feeling they were in danger?

Creative, don't take anything these morons say to heart.

Posted on: 2010/2/17 15:27
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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As a resident who has helped the JCPD apprehend 8 criminals over the years I can tell you this, criminals don't wear hockey-masks and carry machetes (usually). They often look just like you and me. I have seen crimes in progress and yes, it is shocking at first sight. There is the normal WTF??!! reaction to someone smashing a car window or trying to kick in a door. But you have to react quickly and you have to keep your head. I have called the cops on suspicion alone and it has netted burglars. Rapists and molesters don't wear name tags or walk around in raincoats like in a Benny Hill sketch. If "sisters" want respect then they have to react in a calm and measured manner. Make yourself safe, like CC did, but get the cops there ASAP. If the guy is harmless he can explain that to the cops. If he is in fact dangerous then you really haven't done anything to help your "sisters" because you did not call the cops.

Posted on: 2010/2/17 15:25
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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another good tactic if you're getting followed is to turn around, getting a good look at your follower, and walk in the opposite direction. (but maybe only try this when there's a lot of foot traffic around.) it's hard for someone to pretend they're not following you if they too reverse course. this works really well if you're walking and someone's trolling alongside you in a car, which has happened to me downtown.

Posted on: 2010/2/17 15:15
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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Dear Creative,
You did what you thought best at the time. No one knows what they will do under stress, until it occurs.

Thanks for posting the hints and a very good description of the person following you.

It may be good to fill out a report at the police station, just so that if it occurs again to you or someone else, there is a record on file.

Glad you are safe, it could have been much worse.

Posted on: 2010/2/17 15:03
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Re: Followed home last night from Grove Street PATH
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Step one: use common sense.

Something a lot of people dont have.

Posted on: 2010/2/17 14:49
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