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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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It's nice, though, that there are still people who care, because there are people are are legitimately looking for food. Good for you and your dad, Croft.

Posted on: 2008/10/23 0:58
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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i had a friend who worked at starbucks near newport and often they would send their employees home with food and desserts. i used to drive my friend home to kearny almost every night and we'd supply the homeless people at route 7 at 440/1&9 with all of the goodies he got sent home with. most of those folks were more than appreciative of our handouts. i have no problem giving away some of my food, even with the fairly bad financial situation i am in....but money... it really depends. i haven't tried the guys by dunkin donuts or mcdonalds at grand st. with food yet... but i'm sure next time i am around and have an extra buck or two and have the time i'd be willing to offer a bite to eat or a coffee.

my dad was a jersey city cop and often would stop at diners to grab coffee to go. i remember an incident when a homeless man asked him for change for a coffee, but the diner owner wouldn't let the man inside. my dad and his partner bought the guy a coffee and buttered roll, but the man was unhappy with their kind gesture. it's a shame. there are people out there who care, who will give the shirt off of their back for a good cause, and who want to feed the hungry. it's disheartening at best when something like that happens.

Posted on: 2008/10/23 0:37
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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Victoria, you're pretty judgmental for a grown up. I hope that when I break out of my tiny world I'm a bit more evolved than you. I have never been to Barcelona, but I have been to several parts of Europe. It's lovely over there, but costly. I hope your mood brightens a bit. You call it naivete; I call it optimism. I hope you have a nice trip. (Seriously.)

Posted on: 2008/10/23 0:36
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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What the hell? Jclxz, why are you talking about me like I'm not going to read your post? Maybe you are being facetious and I'm too stupid to see that.
Obviously my attempt to remain civil throughout this thread has backfired, because all of you are so cynical that you can't recognize genuineness as anything except blind naivete. Is it so hard for you to believe that just because I felt a bit guilty for ignoring the man, I didn't think he was a junkie? (A possibility that I brought up in my original post.) I am indeed from NJ, thank you very much, and have probably had about as much interaction with homeless people as the majority of people on JC list have-- that is to say, I have volunteered at shelters here and there and have encountered many on the street. I have been told that am an unusually empathetic person, and I try to remain so to balance the world against people like you. I am naive and aware of it. You are probably more naive than you are aware of. I hope you direct that supposed knowledge to something worthwhile sometime. It feels good to help people instead of hurting them, you know. That's not naive. That's wisdom.

By the way, for those of you who don't seem to know this, "incident" and "crime" are not synonyms. Maybe you have been reading JC List too long.

Posted on: 2008/10/23 0:29
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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Now that's a drive by incident

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Posted on: 2008/10/23 0:12
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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I've never seen a place where poeple treat each other worse than Jersey City. This thread summarizes it perfectly.

It's one thing to be unaware that there are drug addicts begging for money on the streets of every major city in the US. It's another to think that these beggars are indeed looking for food. People reading this are rightly shocked and concerned for the OP's safety. She in fact sounds so naive that she is in a disproportionte amount of danger.

People innocently tried to help, and were attacked in response, by someone who is so innocent as to think that beggars are likely to be begging because they are hungry! Jersey City turns people mean fast.

I'm not opposing giving money to people for drugs, nor for trying for the one in a hundred chance that they're actually hungry. But you have to know what you're doing, and the risks that you are taking.

My opinion is that if you understand what is going on, you are safer interacting with these shady characters than you are ignoring them. They usually hang around your neighborhood all day. It's good to have friendly people in the neighborhood. The people begging for drug money are not usually a significant threat. You have to have had a life experience that gives you some ability to judge this.

But if someone is from a place so safe and harmless that they don't realize that people begging for money almost always want drugs, what should you advise them? That's a completely different worldview that comes from a place that many of us probably can't understand. I have seen towns, even in the US, where no one locks their doors - even car doors when parking overnight. Does this kind of post merit a warning that opening your wallet, handing a beggar $5 out of a wallet full of cash, and then leading them to your habitually unlocked house or car, is a bad idea?

People would be willing to help if the OP had been willing to engage in an honest conversation, admitting she's from Finland or Wyoming and never seen someone begging for money. Perhaps this conversation would lead us to understand what the difference is between her life experience and ours. Obviously it's something significant. But how is anyone to know what advice to give, when someone is coming from a completely different set of experiences and does not even hint at what they are?

And let's face it. Thinking that someone begging for money is a direct result of the economy or poverty, or feeling guilty for being "middle class", is extremely naive. I'm not especially willing to help this particular person, because our help is clearly not appreciated. But in the general case, it would be interesting to learn what has led someone to grow up thinking this way, and what kind of places are so cozy that you could come out with that attitude.

Posted on: 2008/10/22 23:44
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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Another know-nothing picking the inflammatory part of a discussion in order to bitch and moan about the posters on the list. This guy was NOT clearly pan-handling, so get that clear, okay? He walked up to a vehicle, without a sign, cup, or without verbalizing ANYTHING. And, in my case, reached for my car door handle. Maybe you'd feel magnanimous on a dark weekend morning and invite him in your car for coffee and muffins--or whatever he wanted, since he didn't say--but that's not what I am going to do. This guy needs to go to panhandling school and learn his trade if he wants any coin from me.

Posted on: 2008/10/22 23:10
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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emdot wrote:
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You know what? It seems like whenever someone posts about a personal experience like this one, it ends with them getting attacked for being racist, or sheltered, or what have you.


I know and it sucks! Most people were helpful, but some not so much. Assuming you are "sheltered" because you express concern over others and over neighborhood safety is stupid and petty. I appreciate your topic and your concern.
lame. . . .since when has panhandling become a crime??? this is like the pimp postings under "crime and safety". believe me, if you were going to get jacked, no car lock is going to stop anyone . . . get just a little smart "will ya"!

Posted on: 2008/10/22 23:01
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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freedom of speech, so long it's my freedom of speech - very funny.

Posted on: 2008/10/22 22:22
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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victoria wrote:
too heated??? yes, i suppose so. i guess i still feel shocked when i am confronted by such incredible naivete by full grown adults. obviously, amy, your extremely tiny little world is self-absorbing. no one is "attacking" you for being sheltered. these are just words, sorry if you can't handle it. it's called freedom of speech. however, a real incident??? i'm surprised no one wrote about it yet but someone committed a hate crime on York Street today. It's disgusting. I couldn't believe it with my own eyes but sure enough someone spray-painted "jew" all over my neighbors house!!! yes, here in jersey city! i've lived here all my life and have never seen such a thing!! that's an incident-something that needs to be reported. i know someone must have seen it on there way home from work. I told my neighbors and they were all in shock when they saw it. The victims (who aren't Jewish by the way-fyi to the retards who did this) quickly cleaned up the vandalism. It's awful.
Amy-I really don't care about the fact that you just discovered that there are homeless people in the world. I'm going to Barcelona tomorrow. You can keep your tiny world.


Ok. You win the crime-spotting contest. Sick and sad, but true.

And for what it's worth, your post to Amy read like an attack. Just like her post read like something sheltered to you. That's the beauty of faceless online communications -- tone and mood get lost along the way.

Enjoy Barcelona -- it's gorgeous.

Posted on: 2008/10/22 22:12
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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You know what? It seems like whenever someone posts about a personal experience like this one, it ends with them getting attacked for being racist, or sheltered, or what have you.


I know and it sucks! Most people were helpful, but some not so much. Assuming you are "sheltered" because you express concern over others and over neighborhood safety is stupid and petty. I appreciate your topic and your concern.

Posted on: 2008/10/22 22:07
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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too heated??? yes, i suppose so. i guess i still feel shocked when i am confronted by such incredible naivete by full grown adults. obviously, amy, your extremely tiny little world is self-absorbing. no one is "attacking" you for being sheltered. these are just words, sorry if you can't handle it. it's called freedom of speech. however, a real incident??? i'm surprised no one wrote about it yet but someone committed a hate crime on York Street today. It's disgusting. I couldn't believe it with my own eyes but sure enough someone spray-painted "jew" all over my neighbors house!!! yes, here in jersey city! i've lived here all my life and have never seen such a thing!! that's an incident-something that needs to be reported. i know someone must have seen it on there way home from work. I told my neighbors and they were all in shock when they saw it. The victims (who aren't Jewish by the way-fyi to the retards who did this) quickly cleaned up the vandalism. It's awful.
Amy-I really don't care about the fact that you just discovered that there are homeless people in the world. I'm going to Barcelona tomorrow. You can keep your tiny world.

Posted on: 2008/10/22 22:05
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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Amy wrote:
You know what? It seems like whenever someone posts about a personal experience like this one, it ends with them getting attacked for being racist, or sheltered, or what have you.

But the underlying theme is something we should talk about. This is such a diverse town... diverse racially and economically. We each bring our own experiences into the mix, and judgements happen all the time. I wish we could talk about that... about how there are tons of middle class and well off people now in JC, and yet poverty is still rampant too. I don't even know what my point is. I just find it frustrating that it always ends in some kind of attack. So let's all just stay in our bubble and talk about Whole Foods rumors.


I hear ya, Amy. I still want my Whole Foods, but I hear ya.

I don't think that there is anything wrong with your post or your point of view. However, as I said in my earlier post, I do think it's worth mentioning the incident to the manager...because it's basically the only thing you can do.

Life in Jersey City is never black and white, which is ultimately a good thing. It would be nice if there was more tolerance for fair and levelheaded debate, but it's just too heated an issue for some.

Posted on: 2008/10/22 21:23
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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You know what? It seems like whenever someone posts about a personal experience like this one, it ends with them getting attacked for being racist, or sheltered, or what have you.

But the underlying theme is something we should talk about. This is such a diverse town... diverse racially and economically. We each bring our own experiences into the mix, and judgements happen all the time. I wish we could talk about that... about how there are tons of middle class and well off people now in JC, and yet poverty is still rampant too. I don't even know what my point is. I just find it frustrating that it always ends in some kind of attack. So let's all just stay in our bubble and talk about Whole Foods rumors.

Posted on: 2008/10/22 18:59
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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Thank you, Brewster. I do give to a reputable charity (read my original post). I think that's best. I just take incidents like this as reminders to do so.

Victoria, I think that was another point of my post-- that maybe I am too sheltered. Maybe a lot of us are, eh? Thanks for answering my question. (!!) What would you have done?

Posted on: 2008/10/22 18:38
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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Amy wrote:
Incident-- noun-- an individual occurence or event.

Part of the point of my original post was to point out that any of us could become panhandlers these days. I hope people are remembering those who are less fortunate.


It's nice that you empathize, but unless you have a serious substance abuse and/or mental health problem it's a minuscule possibility. My wife is a social worker who has treated this population for a long time, trust me.

Don't give them change unless you want to support their habit. Give to a local charity that helps them instead.

Posted on: 2008/10/22 18:05
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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this is so obnoxious. . you are terribly sheltered. . i'm glad that you feel empathetic, unless you see someone different than you approaching your window. . . please

Posted on: 2008/10/22 17:45
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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Incident-- noun-- an individual occurence or event.

Part of the point of my original post was to point out that any of us could become panhandlers these days. I hope people are remembering those who are less fortunate.

Posted on: 2008/10/22 17:11
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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somebody panhandling for change is not an incident. . this is so sad. . .

Posted on: 2008/10/22 16:58
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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[...]

As for the comments about the DD people being miserable or stupid or whatever, have you been to this exact one? Don't be so sure. I have been going there for years and it seems to be a bunch of family members/friends. A really nice group. Even if they kinda hard sell on those damn hash brown thingies.


I like those "damn hash brown thingies"!

Posted on: 2008/10/22 16:38
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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Usually it is up to the stores to run away the pan-handlers, they come out every so often to yell at them, but you know more often then enough they come back and come back.

Posted on: 2008/10/22 16:33
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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I wasn't aware that this happened so often. I go to DD maybe a couple of times a week, and this is the first time it has happened to me. Having read all these posts confirms to me that the guy only wanted money and nothing else, and Croft's post indicates that he would probably have used that money on something other than food and clothing. By the way, Croft, my dog is a greyhound who is more often than not lying on her bed in the backseat when I take her with me. Not too threatening-- not even visible, usually.

I don't know that telling the management of DD will do anything. What can they do, have a patrol person out there? I've never heard of calling the police on panhandlers, although maybe a panhandler going up to people's cars and scaring the daylights out of them is a different story.

Posted on: 2008/10/22 15:12
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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I use that Dunkin Donuts drive thru almost daily and occasionally the McDonalds drive thru. I only carry a debit card to work, so unfortunately these are my breakfast options before heading over to Liberty Humane Society. Every single time, there is a guy standing just past the drive thru window at Mcdonalds, watching you take your food, begging for your change. Every time, I tell him, no sorry, I only have a debit card, then he tells me "God bless you." It's borderline as bad as White Castle on JFK used to be when you'd drive up to the order screen and have 5 drunken bums holding cups and begging for change, but would refuse the food when you'd drive back around to give them a burger or some fries. Wow.

When my dog is in the car, NOBODY comes up to my window. He's a Pit bull. In fact, when I walk him, nobody comes near me and people cross the street. I take him to that Dunkin Donuts sometimes when I bring him to work with me and I never have any problems other than him squealing while I'm trying to place my order in the drive thru.

I was walking him by McGinley square and some panhandler came up to me asking for change and then asking me stupid and inappropriate questions. Needless to say, the dog barked and barked and the man had no choice but to walk away from me...and I mean far away.

Posted on: 2008/10/22 11:11
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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Amy wrote:
This morning I was in the shopping center on Grand getting coffee from Dunkin Donuts. I had my dog with me and was running errands, so I used the drive-through, which is always really slow there.

I had been waiting for a while when a man walked up to my passenger window and peered in. I panicked and saw that the door was unlocked. I could think of nothing else than, "He's going to get into the car. And if not, he's going to pull a gun and shoot me." In this fog of panic, I tried to reach the lock on the door but couldn't because my seatbelt was on. I made a "go away" motion with my hand, and he walked away, to the car in front of me. It occured to me then that the guy probably only wanted some spare change, and that in my car and all my middle class obnoxiousness, I had told him to go away. I watched as the other cars in line also waved him away.

I know a lot of people will think, "He was a junkie or wino and there's no need to feel guilty for waving him away." Or "Of course you waved him away-- it's terrifying to have a man approach your car so quickly." That was my rationale when I kept thinking about it later. But in this economy, I can't help but think how many people are desperate or are going to be desperate. I'm going to give to Second Harvest or whatever the new name is now... something I should do more often. I shouldn't need an incident like that to prompt me. Anyone could become the panhandler in these uncertain times.


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Posted on: 2008/10/21 22:41
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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I think it's worth talking to the manager there and mentioning it. The panhandling is getting more and more aggressive around there and it can't be good for biz. They literally bombard you at the entrance and it's just getting worse.

As for the comments about the DD people being miserable or stupid or whatever, have you been to this exact one? Don't be so sure. I have been going there for years and it seems to be a bunch of family members/friends. A really nice group. Even if they kinda hard sell on those damn hash brown thingies.

Posted on: 2008/10/21 20:00
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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heights wrote:
Whenever people approach the car without warning it's a bit scary. They really catch you off guard. I doubt DD would do anything, but it wouldn't hurt to mention it. Always mention it and if they look at you with that blank face then spell it out to them, they'll get it.


I hate to be a stick in the mud, but they won't. As Jerry Seinfeld would say, they're working at Dunkin' Donuts, they want to shoot themselves.

Posted on: 2008/10/21 19:45
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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Whenever people approach the car without warning it's a bit scary. They really catch you off guard. I doubt DD would do anything, but it wouldn't hurt to mention it.

Always mention it and if they look at you with that blank face then spell it out to them, they'll get it. When you get back to work or home immediately call the police and the management HQ of the business establishment you were just accosted in. Also everyone is suspect especially if the environment calls for it. You're in the New York area now so act like it ! I hate to hear these stories especially with a sad ending that entails victims.

Posted on: 2008/10/21 18:48
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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Whenever people approach the car without warning it's a bit scary. They really catch you off guard. I doubt DD would do anything, but it wouldn't hurt to mention it.

Posted on: 2008/10/21 18:38
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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Doesn't DD's have cameras there, if not ask the manager of the store why not - might go a long way to protect their property and their customers.

Posted on: 2008/10/21 17:43
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Re: incident at Dunkin Donuts
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I can top these stories. I spotted someone walking up to my driver's side door, in the middle of the street, as I was waiting at a light in a scary part of town. I guarantee you he wasn't there for change. He was looking to catch someone off guard, punch them in the head and steal their wallet or purse. Having lived in LA, you don't get scared, you move quickly. My window was two thirds of the way up, but since he caught me off guard I reached to roll it the rest of the way up instead of reaching to lock the door. That left him just enough time to open the door, but my sudden movement and awareness of him was enough to cause him to move on.

As he sauntered away I pondered how much it would have sucked if he'd had a gun and quickly opened my door. I would have been one of grovepath's cut and pastes. heights would have gnawed on my carcass.

Posted on: 2008/10/21 16:22
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