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An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
 
Joined:
2004/12/12 18:31 From Paulus Hook
Posts:
198
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You're the person who pushes through everyone to get to the doors as the train pulls into the Grove St. station. You'll knock me over, spit on me, walk across my spine just to be first off the train. And then... you move up the stairs like you lost a leg in Vietnam, causing everyone behind you to trip on each other as we wait for you to finish your slow ascent.
You're the lumpy, middle-aged Asian woman who is always first on the train. It doesn't matter that I'm twice your size and 10 years younger, or that I know precisely where to stand so that when the train pulls into the station, I'm squarely in front of the doors. You always win; you'll always beat me to the last available seat. The only solace I have is that at some point in my life maybe I've doinked your daughter. You're the teenager who sits with his bony legs spread so that he takes up three seats. Or you're the lady who puts her shopping bags on the seat next to her, blissfully depriving someone of a seat so your bags can ride in comfort. You're the guy who cranks up his iPod so loud that the entire car can hear your hideous music through your earphones. You're the tourist who thinks your dollar is going to buy juice and milk for the Bergen-Lafayette Coalition for the Homeless. There's a shortage, you see. You're the hideously obese person who plops into the seat next to me in February, and your body against me is hotter than the already sweltering heater beneath the seats, making me feel like I'm in a microwave. But I know if I give up my seat I will offend you, so I endure your hot flab until my stop. You're the person who drinks a bottle of Snapple and drops the bottle to the car's floor. Then, in excruciating silence, all the other passengers must endure the sound of your bottle moving back and forth across the aisle as the train accelerates and slows. I just wanted to let you know: I don't like you.
Posted on: 2006/12/1 21:25
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Just can't stay away
 
Joined:
2005/1/25 21:51 Posts:
93
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too funny. You're right about the people that run through the doors, just to get a seat. Like they never stood before in their lives. Every morning, people run to those doors and fight for seats. It's pathetic. I dont even bother. I'd rather stand.
Posted on: 2006/12/1 22:03
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Newbie
 
Joined:
2006/5/5 15:55 From JC Baby
Posts:
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Very amusing. You hit the nail right on the head. I feel your pain.
Posted on: 2006/12/1 22:20
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2004/8/24 11:08 From Somewhere
Posts:
918
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To the people taking the path from jsq,nwk and beyond.
Don't give me the evil eye because I had to push my way into the train. There is a reason why they ask you to MOVE ALL THE WAY INTO THE TRAIN.
Posted on: 2006/12/1 22:35
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2006/7/25 16:33 Posts:
364
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To the people taking the PATH from Grove Street and Pavonia/Newport:
Don't take it out on us lowly folks who get on the train before you. We're not the ones refusing to acknowledge that the Port Authority needs to find a way to expand or upgrade its rush hour train service. And when they say "please step all the way into the train" they mean EVERYBODY, including those getting on the train at that stop. We see you trying to monopolize the exit doors and don't think we don't know. Also, don't think we enjoy sitting there like sardines with your asses in our faces. To cross-pollinate: "your booty stink".
Posted on: 2006/12/1 22:40
Edited by NONdowntown on 2006/12/1 23:27:30
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2005/12/12 17:14 From Intersection of Venerated @ Ensconced
Posts:
233
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Ahh… then there’s my “favorite” PATH trespass – on some PATH cars there’s a floor-to-ceiling pole that can easily fit up to 6 people pinwheeled around it. But, NOOO!...
There’s always the jack@ss (male or female) who thinks it just fine to sleep / lean / hug / hump the entire pole for their exclusive use during rush hour.  If you’re going to “pole-dance” like an Elizabeth Berkley wannabee, at least show some skin so I know where to slap the dollar bill. Rant off… sorry, too much vino tonight. 
Posted on: 2006/12/1 23:24
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"Dogs are our link to paradise." - Milan Kundera |
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2005/3/30 20:24 Posts:
1449
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I especially want to kick the people who wait until they are standing in front of the turnstile to find their PATH card. Like it's a fresh surprise to them each time that they need the card. Like one day all of a sudden they won't need it. Like whammo slammo it's gonna be free or something.
And it is always buried somewhere in the bottom of their bag or hidden in a wallet or pocket. Dumb dumbs.
Posted on: 2006/12/1 23:42
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2004/11/5 12:59 Posts:
1462
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Quote:
I never could quite figure out why they do this. Like it's cool or something.
Posted on: 2006/12/1 23:49
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2004/11/5 12:59 Posts:
1462
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Quote:
Wouldn't it be funny if the conductor made this announcement at our stop to accommodate us sardines!
Posted on: 2006/12/1 23:56
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Just can't stay away
Joined:
2006/7/6 2:02 Posts:
72
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To the person who leans over and starts reading my magazine or newspaper or whatever else I'm reading so that now I can't focus on what I'm reading. I hate you. Get your own reading material.
Posted on: 2006/12/2 0:10
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Just can't stay away
Joined:
2005/4/25 23:50 Posts:
116
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...and get a clue - take your f678ing knapsack or messenger bag bulging with god knows what off and put it on the floor, rather than swinging it onto people's faces, backs, shoulders, etc. every time the train's movements makes you lose your balance.
Posted on: 2006/12/2 0:18
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2006/7/25 16:33 Posts:
364
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and a special shout-out to whoever invented the 'cell phone that also plays music through its speaker phone'. i've had to endure obnoxious people, all of them old enough to know better, thinking that playing their music through their 'chocolate' or whatever-the-hell they call it is the equivalent to listening to music on headphones. (which it almost is, as was groused about earlier, considering how loud some people blast their damn headphones).
Posted on: 2006/12/2 0:22
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Newbie
Joined:
2005/11/12 17:50 From Hamilton Park
Posts:
2
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I hate the PATH so much that I got a new job in Jersey!
Posted on: 2006/12/2 0:25
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2005/6/2 10:35 From Formerly of Harsimus Cove
Posts:
159
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The platform is empty, at least where I'm standing. You see me, you know I was there before you, you also know that I'm standing right about where the door opens. So tell me why when the train pulls in, you must dodge in front of me and get the last seat on the train?
Just for that, I'm going to stand right in front of you and stare at you the entire time. Oh, and if I'm sitting in the seat closest to the door, please don't turn and put your butt cheeks through the bars so that it's in my face. I won't ask again.
Posted on: 2006/12/2 0:25
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Quite a regular
 
Joined:
2006/7/14 9:32 From H Cove
Posts:
66
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don't forget:
-the dorkons who set up shop in front of the path doors, then don't move when people get on and then off or -the picnic commuters who nasaly blare the rank of their dysfunctional eating habits
Posted on: 2006/12/2 0:25
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2005/3/27 2:51 From Take a wild guess
Posts:
159
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Quote:
"Lumpy" as in chunky, chubby, &/or rubenesque? OK, well if she is lumpy, it stands to reason that her daughter is equally lumpy. Which would make you a "lumpy doinker," wouldn't it? Want to talk about it? Was this an act of revenge? If yes, than I'm sad to report that your little ploy might very well have backfired. Did you use a condom? No, you say? Shame. Well, my misguided friend, I would highly recommend changing your morning ride to the ferry pronto! For in all likelihood, this woman is stalking you on the PATH.( And it would not surprise me if the sweaty behemoth who makes the point of sitting next to you everyday is the proud father). Can we say shotgun wedding? Now on the other hand, if you are just one who revels in the carnal delights of the love-handle impaired, opportunity awaits! Why frustrate yourself looking for the cellulite fantasy of your dreams in a crowded PATH car when, just by upgrading your morning transportation to a town car (or a bus depending on how ambitious you are) you can troll the various bus stops/PATH entrances of Downtown JC & handpick the lumpy women of your choice to be your plus-sized guest for a slow, romantic ride to work. Stock up on Pringles. ![Open in new window](javascript:CaricaFoto("http://www.octamedia.com/portfolios/editorial/Images/01_b_image.jpg");) "Going our way?"
Posted on: 2006/12/2 0:58
Edited by Ygor on 2006/12/2 1:23:53
Edited by Ygor on 2006/12/2 1:40:36 |
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Sola lingua bona est lingua mortua. |
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2004/11/5 15:56 Posts:
349
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Wow - no one hit on some of my "faves"
The garlic for breakfast crowd - take the first car of the 7:12 out of Grove Street to WTC - there are mornings when it reeks. The my pits are too tender to use deodorant crowd - I actually saw one guy tell another guy to lower his arms to his sides on a hot day last summer. The - Oh, isn't this the dining car of the Orient Express Group - please, no Egg McMuffins - they have a particular stench. And the most disgusting - The Turn Left When You Get to the Bridge Group. These are the folks that think the PATH, and other public venues are appropriate places to do deep mining of their nostrils. Once they find a "gem" they feel compelled to remove it and study it ad nauseam (Latin for until it makes me sick, Fast Eddie). This appears to be a uniquely Chinese activity. That being said, a prime reason for remaining in JC is the PATH. Whenever I've looked at other places - the beaux quartiers of Brooklyn, for example - the idea of having to take the subway to get most places is a major disincentive.
Posted on: 2006/12/2 8:08
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Yes,we have no bananas. (Silver & Cohn, 1923) 
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2004/9/12 3:13 From beneath the jumping sheep
Posts:
1813
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To add to the list:
- the meathead, possibly a distant cousin of the bony teen, who likes to spread his legs to air out his big b@lls, or so he likes to think - the yuppie who didn't learn how to read the wsj properly in b-school and extends his arms fully in front of him so he can read and turn the pages, all the while taking up too much valuable space and/or smacking other passengers' faces with his pages - the creepy guy who stares at me the entire length of the ride (valkin, is that you? ok, i don't cut anyone off so it couldn't be)
Posted on: 2006/12/2 8:23
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2004/11/5 15:56 Posts:
349
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- the yuppie who didn't learn how to read the wsj properly in b-school and extends his arms fully in front of him so he can read and turn the pages, all the while taking up too much valuable space and/or smacking other passengers' faces with his pages
In 4th grade (not b-school) at PS173 (The Fresh Meadows School) we were required to bring in a NYTimes one day and were taught how to fold and read the paper when riding the bus or subway. Good old Mrs. Hudes, a real bitch, but she knew what we needed to know. Oh, and for currents events you couldn't bring in articles from tabloids - The News, Post or Mirror (RIP). What part of my elitism I didn't inherit from my Grandmother, The Dowager Duchess of Bed-Stuy I got from Mrs. Hudes, the old bat.
Posted on: 2006/12/2 9:05
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Yes,we have no bananas. (Silver & Cohn, 1923)
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2005/4/24 17:47 From Hamilton Park
Posts:
342
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I've noticed the legs-open-wide sitting posture for the last few years now and have come to assume that, since it's always males, the purpose is to advertise the purported enormity of the member hidden within. Real adult.
There's an epidemic of multiple bag carriage, though. What's with that? Why the necessity, male or female, for two or three increasingly large satchels? I get on with a newspaper and a book. Everything else I need is in my wallet. Why do I get the impression that, especially for guys, a man-purse has become de rigueur for impressing your boss that you're taking home work? And ladies, a regular purse is annoying enough. Three purses is absurd. The average number of bags seems to increase with body weight, I notice, expanding the individual's silhouette out to around five feet.
Posted on: 2006/12/2 9:06
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2005/4/28 15:03 Posts:
554
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Quote:
Ahh… then there’s my “favorite” PATH trespass – on some PATH cars there’s a floor-to-ceiling pole that can easily fit up to 6 people pinwheeled around it. But, NOOO!... I hate the pole humpers! Quote: I especially want to kick the people who wait until they are standing in front of the turnstile to find their PATH card. Like it's a fresh surprise to them each time that they need the card. Like one day all of a sudden they won't need it. Like whammo slammo it's gonna be free or something. These people should just not be allowed on the PATH, period. Can we get some legislation? Ahhh, you all just made me so glad I just took the new job that involves driving to work and not taking the PATH.
Posted on: 2006/12/2 9:22
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2006/1/22 16:08 Posts:
428
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and YOU...who nodded off while sitting next me and put your head on my shoulder.
was it heroin? or overwork? and YOU with the all to obvious hygiene issues.... and YOU the cabbie who picked me up at the wtc path last night. i asked to be taken up to soho and you immediately headed south and got on the highway. in the end you charged me $17 for a ride that should have been $6.. and i still had to walk 4 blocks and was late for sound check (luckily everyone else was too).... but I got your # be-otch, or should i say BHUIYADN MD 516486 TAXI# 9V63
Posted on: 2006/12/2 10:18
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Quite a regular
Joined:
2005/7/28 18:46 From Erie Street
Posts:
56
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To you (usually men) who kept your seat when I was nine months pregnant standing up in front of you in a crowded train... Yes, you who buried your head in your newspaper/sudoku/trashy novel pretending not to see me...
And, before I forget, my thanks to all the people (invariably women) who got up and gave me their seat when I needed the most...
Posted on: 2006/12/2 10:41
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2006/2/9 9:13 Posts:
520
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Don't like the PATH, eh?
Swim.
Posted on: 2006/12/2 10:49
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Re: An Open Letter to You, My PATH Nemesis |
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Home away from home
Joined:
2004/11/6 16:13 From Hamilton Park
Posts:
1578
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Quote:
A variant of this ethnic pastime I've witnessed is the the amazing nasal expulsion. They pinch their nose with their fingers clear of the nostrils and blow, without benefit of kleenex, spraying their nasal contents like a human 409 bottle. Sometimes an attempt is made to spray over the tracks, but not always. Frankly though, I find the streets of midtown more outraging than the PATH. I don't commute but have a client at 36th & 8th. The dawdlers, sightseers, hawkers, groups standing right in the middle of the sidewalk, ad passers, cigarette wavers, umbrella eyepokers, and slow, weaving walkers drive me postal. The only thing better is the people who get to a doorway, top of escalator or stair, and stop to look around or open their umbrella weapon.
Posted on: 2006/12/2 12:00
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